ABR excerpt

A note regarding the below post - this is an alternate beginning I wrote once upon a time for Along Black River. It is NOT the actual beginning that I use. But I wanted to give you a writing sample and I actually like this excerpt, just not for this particular book. So I decided this was a place to share it.

        Somewhere in the deep trenches of her brain, Jackie knew she was dying. She was aware of the lull that had only seconds before been barking commands, squels of rubber soles on waxed floors, and beeps - lots and lots of electric beeps. But the trenches of her brain didn't matter anymore. She just knew. Just like that, she knew. She saw it all but not with her eyes. It was just knowledge. Everything was a vibrating energy. Her energy pulsated at a different rhythm, which was why she was aware of all those people around what used to be her body. It lay there on the table, chest exposed. A man's hands doubled up between her breast, attempting to resurrect her still heart. Another person, a female, yelled, "clear!" Paddles filled the limp heart with electrical current. Electricity. It was the life force. No wonder Mary Shelley explored the phenomenon. It was the giver of life-it was life-it was all and everything. It all pulsated to electrical current.
        "Clear!"

     Jackie didn't open her eyes. She knew where she was and why she was there. There was little haziness. She knew that a nurse checked her vitals every five minutes, not because she was in critical condition anymore, but because the doctors had fully expected her to be conscience by now. Was she comatose? Her vitals said no. Her heart beat had returned and was strong considering the blood loss and the physical trauma her body had sustained. And considering she was clinically dead for almost two whole minutes, well it was a wonder that she had survived. Perhaps there was undetected brain loss. Jackie heard the nurse when she said, "she must have really wanted to live." The unspoken response was, "so why did she try to kill herself?"
        Jackie kept her eyes closed, responded only to those tests that her reflexes controlled. She made no sound or twitched. Yet she was alert. She didn't want to return. She wanted to be gone. Living was just too damn hard. It was like there was always a pillow over her face anyway. She struggled to breathe and to make sense of the why of life. She didn't feel like trying anymore. Why did they bring her back? Obviously she wanted to be gone, to be dead. She held back the urge to touch the fresh wounds. She felt the bandage wrapped around her left wrist. She did it with one quick incision-not like the time before where there were several cuts-most minor. She hadn't died back then. She hadn't even passed out.
        And now twelve years later, her second attempt at suicide was debunked by professionals who did their jobs all too well.

I will pick this up again later and continue with this excerpt....