Joy gave me a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. She needed to relieve her mom who was had been watching the two year old twin boys all morning. I hoped that I would look as good as Joy after my baby came. Joy was always put together, makeup and hair in a stylish fashion that I could never seem to achieve. My dirty blonde hair was always in a ponytail and lately the grays at my hairline had been popping through. 27 years old and I had kinky gray sprouts poking out along my forehead. How attractive. The first thing I was going to do after the baby came and I had a little extra cash was to get my hair highlighted.
I looked around my little basement studio apartment. The futon sofa that served as my bed as well looked tempting. Maybe a quick nap would revive me. I sighed. No. No nap. Not yet. After I visited the library and perused the want ads. Then I could come home and take a nap. I gathered my pocketbook and keys and locked the door behind me. Outside, it was hot. Summer was bearing down on us with fury and it was only the second week of June. I decided to walk the three blocks to the library, better to save on gas money.
At the library, I took out a small pad of paper and a pen from my bag and jotted down a couple of potential jobs. Nothing exciting, but I didn’t qualify for most of the other ones that wanted five years experience and an MBA or some other degree. I folded the paper and returned it to its shelf. One of the potential jobs was only another block up the road so I decided to walk on over. It was a pet grooming boutique. They needed a receptionist. I loved animals and I was pleasant enough to be a receptionist.
The bell chimed when I pushed the glass door opened. Darling Pets was decked out in puppy décor. Cute. Behind the mahogany u-shaped receptionist desk was a thin, tall bald man in a dark three piece suit. He must have been sweltering under the layers but he looked crisp and not at all like he was wilting.
“May I help you?” He asked in a cheery voice.
“Yes. I wanted to fill out an employment application for the receptionist job.”
“Oh dear,” he said and shot a look at my belly. He ran his fingers along the barrel of a pen. “I filled that position just this morning.”
Was he lying to me?
“Oh, I see. Thank you anyway,” I said and turned. The contrast from the nice cool air conditioned boutique to the hot, now turning sticky outside air was so intense that I felt a wave of nausea ripple through my belly. I stood outside the door for just a minute to gather myself. Taking a couple of deep breaths, I moved on.
The other job was a couple of miles from my apartment so I would have to get my car, a 1992 navy blue Toyota Camry with rust spots at the wheel bases and 125,000 miles on the odometer. But she ran ok and the air conditioning worked. I had bought it several months ago after kicking Jason out of my life. Joy’s husband Eddie had helped me find it. It belonged to an elderly lady who had recently passed away and he knew the grandkids were looking to get rid of it. He learned about stuff like that since he worked at a funeral parlor. I got it for a thousand dollars, which was most of my savings, but it got me back and forth to work.
I took my time walking home. Unlike the man in Darling Pets, I was wilting. I actually was feeling a bit like a crayon melting into a puddle of wax swirled with red dye. The image made me think about the baby growing in me. I rubbed my hand over my belly. Renee Mackenzie Dalton. I’d known for a while that I was carrying a daughter. I wondered if she would like coloring as she got older. I fought the urge to turn back towards town to the pharmacy where they carried all kinds of fun things, including I was certain coloring books and crayons. Besides the fact that it would be years before the baby would attempt to color in a coloring book, I didn’t have a single penny to spend on frivolous things.
I took the four steps down to the cement balcony of my apartment. I unlocked the door and walked in. I didn’t have an air conditioner but between being below ground level and the shade from the upper balcony, the place had yet to get hot. Hopefully it would stay that way as summer progressed. I had only lived there for four months so I wasn’t sure how it would fair in the hotter months. I plopped on the futon and reached behind me where I pulled a shade down at the window. I curled up, pulling a throw pillow under my head and was asleep in seconds.
When I woke, I was hungry and had Jason on my mind. I must have been dreaming about him because I felt like I had just been talking to him. Enough of that. I had nothing to say to him and I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say to me. I stretched and went to the little kitchen with the apartment sized stove and fridge. Enough for me, I thought, proud that I wasn’t giving in to the fear that was creeping into my head. I prepared a box of store brand macaroni and cheese, skipping the butter part, only because I was out of it. I put a healthy helping into a bowl and knew that I had enough left over for supper later. I opened my checkbook and glanced at the balance. I needed to budget for the next few weeks, just in case I didn’t find a job right away.
My rent was $125 a week. Miss Laurell had offered the place to me for $100 a week but it didn’t include utilities. For $25 more a week, she threw in the electric and water. There was no gas hook-up. I took the $125 a week because it was easier that way. A quick analysis showed that I had enough for four weeks of rent and a little extra for grocery and gas money. But it was going to be tight. I still had some in my savings but I wanted to hold on to that for diapers and formula. Not that it would get me very far. I had already priced them and they were expensive. For a split second I thought that maybe I should call Jason. But no. Absolutely not. I didn’t want his help. Maybe I was a mule, but I had my pride and no way was I going to give that up. But the baby was his. He was partially responsible. Maybe I should call him. Whatever. I’d think about that later, when things got really tight.
I put my checkbook back into my pocketbook, a Coach hobo bag, a present from Jason. I supposed if things got really tight, I could try to sell it. I looked it over. Still in pretty good condition, but definitely not mint condition. I shrugged to no one. Whatever. I’d deal with it when the time came. I washed my bowl and fork and placed them in the dish rack to drip dry.
After that I decided to shower. I needed to go back to the library and use the computer and printer there. I had abandoned a lot of my personal possessions when I left Jason. He had paid for most of them anyway. I learned quickly how to live without the more expensive salon style hair and bath products, but what about the baby? Was it fair to bring her into a world where there was little luxury, no luxury? I needed a job and fast. The second job needed a resume. I had never written one in my life. I had thought before my nap that I could just march in and fill out an application, but if I was serious about getting a job, I needed my resume, thus the library trip.
I went to the little bathroom, just barely big enough for my full belly. In another month, I wasn’t even sure I would be able to turn around in it. I started the shower to heat it up but the hot water would only last a few precious minutes, so I stepped out of the bathroom to undress, where I had more room. I reached into my pockets, empty. Everything must have fallen out while I was napping. I raced over to the futon and found two ball point pens, the paper with the job info on it and the folded twenty dollar bill. It was unfolded now and I saw something written on it. I picked it up and read, “If you need a job, call me.” There was a phone number.
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